You can't force wit, it has to come organically

I was quite the man of the house this weekend.

I fixed a loose towel rod AND a loose toilet seat.

Now, for your average man, this wouldn’t be much of an accomplishment.

However, I am not one prone to physical labor. My hands spend far more time on a keyboard or a remote than holding a tool (get your mind out of the gutter). My hands are softer than the little cloud pillows that baby angels sleep on. My hands are so soft that my sister once told her boyfriend to feel how soft my hands were, which her boyfriend understandably felt pretty damn awkward about.

But this weekend, I was fucking Bob Vila.

Mizzou coach Gary Pinkel gets a DWI

Clearly the Columbia PD hasn’t embraced the move to the SEC. You think Petrino gets a DWI in Fayetteville? Richt in Athens? Hell no.

In the 15 months I have worked here, my Austin boss has never once left me a substantive voicemail. (Waco boss leaves great voicemails).

Every fucking time, it’s “hey, it’s Austin boss, give me a call.”

How about you just fucking tell me what you want in the voicemail and save us both a 5-10 minute phone call? Would that be so goddamn difficult?

I need to follow more guys so I don’t feel so left out when everyone I follow is talking about fucking Delia’s.

I got a shitton of reading done in the past few weeks and on my vacation so I may actually pull this off.

38. The Postmortal by Drew Magery

39. The Psychopath Test by Jon Ronson

40. Scorecasting by Tobias Moskowitz

41. Suicide Run by Michael Connelly

42. The Wordy Shipmates by Sarah Vowell

43. Freakonomics by Steven Leavitt

44. Angle of Investigation by Michael Connelly

45. SuperFreakonomics by Steven Leavitt

What did I miss this weekend other than Mizzou finally joining the SEC, earthquakes in Oklahoma, and JoePa molesting little boys (just kidding Meg!).

$140 upgrade to First Class from DFW to Cabo? Yes please.